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Also known as “Black-and-White Thinking,” this distortion manifests as an inability or unwillingness to see shades of gray. In other words, you see things in terms of extremes
This sneaky distortion takes one instance or example and generalizes it to an overall pattern. For example, a student may receive a C on one test and conclude that she is stupid and a failure.
Focuses on a single negative piece of information and excludes all the positive ones. An example of this distortion is one partner in a romantic relationship dwelling on a single negative comment made by the other partner and viewing the relationship as hopelessly lost, while ignoring the years of positive comments and experiences.
Acknowledges positive experiences but rejects them instead of embracing them.
For example, a person who receives a positive review at work might reject the idea that they are a competent employee and attribute the positive review to political correctness, or some other reason they create.
This is an especially malignant distortion since it can facilitate the continuation of negative thought patterns even in the face of strong evidence to the contrary.
Manifests as the inaccurate belief that we know what another person is thinking. This distortion refers to the negative interpretations that we jump to.
The tendency to make conclusions and predictions based on little to no evidence and holding them as truth.
One example is a young, single woman predicting that she will never find love or have a committed and happy relationship based only on the fact that she has not found it yet. .
This distortion involves exaggerating or minimizing the meaning, importance, or likelihood of things.
An athlete who is generally a good player but makes a mistake may magnify the importance of that mistake and believe that he is a terrible teammate, while an athlete who wins a coveted award in her sport may minimize the importance of the award and continue believing that she is only a mediocre player.
CONTINUATION OF DISTORTED THINKING
Acceptance of one’s emotions as fact. It can be described as “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” Just because we feel something doesn’t mean it is true; for example, we may become jealous and think our partner has feelings for someone else, but that doesn’t make it true. Of course, we know it isn’t reasonable to take our feelings as fact, but it is a common distortion nonetheless.
Statements that you make to yourself about what you “should” do, “ought” to do, or what you “must” do. They can also be applied to others, imposing a set of expectations that will likely not be met.
When we cling to our “should” statements about others, we are generally disappointed by their failure to meet our expectations, leading to anger and resentment.
Overgeneralization, in which we assign judgments of value to ourselves or to others based on one instance or experience.
Involves taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself without any logical reason to believe you are to blame.
Manifests as one of two beliefs: (1) that we have no control over our lives and are helpless victims of fate, or (2) that we are in complete control of ourselves and our surroundings, giving us responsibility for the feelings of those around us.
No one is in complete control of what happens to them, and no one has absolutely no control over their situation.
The assumption of an inherently fair world is not based in reality and can foster negative feelings when we are faced with proof of life’s unfairness.
Expecting others to change if we pressure or encourage them enough. This distortion is usually accompanied by a belief that our happiness and success rests on other people, leading us to believe that forcing those around us to change is the only way to get what we want.
Perfectionists and those struggling with Imposter Syndrome will recognize this distortion – it is the belief that we must always be right and we will fight to prove that we are right.
For example, the internet commenters who spend hours arguing with each other over an opinion or political issue far beyond the point where reasonable individuals would conclude that they should “agree to disagree” are engaging in the “Always Being Right” distortion.
Belief that one’s struggles, one’s suffering, and one’s hard work will result in a just reward.
It is obvious why this type of thinking is a distortion – how many examples can you think of, just within the realm of your personal acquaintances, where hard work and sacrifice did not pay off?
"When people feel shame they can be apologetic for feeling that shame or guilt over what they did," Lyons remarks. Frequent apologies without actual wrongdoing betray shame.
"A big part of shame is worrying what others may think of something you said or did," Lyons shares. Verbally expressing concern over others' opinions may demonstrate underlying shame.
As Jewell says, "I'm not..." statements often expose shame's presence through strained self-justification efforts. Perpetual denial of being "mean" or "dumb" conveys insecurity.
Jewell explains self-effacing humor as camouflage: "Humor is often a way for people to soften the blow of their shameful perceptions and make them more palatable both to themselves and others." Laughter pivots tension.
Related: The One Thing You Should Never, Ever Say if Your Adult Child Is Struggling With Addiction
"Since shame focuses on how we are less, any statements that make someone appear lesser should be searched for when trying to notice shame," Cuthbert advises. Downplaying abilities suggests deep-seated shame.
As Dindinger explains, blaming statements like "this is your fault" allow shamed individuals to "transfer their shame onto someone else" as a defensive strategy. They use projection to create emotional distance from their painful inner feelings.
Related: 11 Phrases To Respond to Guilt-Tripping and Why They Work, According to Psychologists
Declarative statements like "I am awful" reveal core beliefs about oneself—not just emotions in the moment, notes Dindinger. Saying "I'm a bad friend" exposes profound shame and self-judgment.
These phrases showcase the "playing dead" defense mode, Dindinger says. Adopting extreme stances about one's ineptitude or culpability is an attempt to end uncomfortable conversations that are triggering underlying shame.
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